Just around the corner.

It's Tuesday.
Christmas is this Sunday.
This is crazy.
It really doesn't seem like Christmas. Still.
And I really want it to be Spring...
I am going to Arizona this Friday, so that should be nice.
60 degree weather I hear.


Where to start.. where to start.
I really can't tell you how jumbled my heart and mind have been the last couple weeks.
There are days where it seems like an awful dream, and you just want to wake up.
Other days where everything is alright again, wonderful really.

There are mornings where you wake up crying, reaching out and wanting something that's not yours.
I hate bad dreams.
I wanna be left breathless, not lonely.
I wanna wake up smiling, not crying.

Grr... how do I break this?

I guess everyone goes through things like this, but I wouldn't wish it on anyone.
Too hard. Too much pretending. Too much hiding. Too much hurting.
BUT. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
So no worries I guess. I just have to stick it out.

All I really want right now is to go back to that day in August. Just to be there. There were no worries.
Just me, you, and the rain.
How I miss you and the rain. You wouldn't even imagine. ...you wouldn't even imagine....

I really just need some color in my life.
But you're my color.

There you go making my heart beat again...
Dear me, you're in a mess. Or you are the mess. Most likely the second. Love, me.